your parents love me but you hate me
She's JV to your varsity
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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