I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
