guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, beer. Big fan.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
