This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
