he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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