Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
