I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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