I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
