You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
