She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
