the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
