i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
