ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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