woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
