stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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