The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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