I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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