My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
