I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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