I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
