you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
