i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
