I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
