"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
