dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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