You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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