haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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