Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
