i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
