I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
