Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
