you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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