hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
