Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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