I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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