Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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