hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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