remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
