I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
