Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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