the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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