I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
