Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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