so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
