I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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