How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
