Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
