Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
