I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
