Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
