so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize