I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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