i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
