And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
