I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
