now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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