my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
