I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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