Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
