I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
