Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
