i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
