Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
