You can't motorboat a personality
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
