Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
