Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
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She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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