My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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