The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You don't make any sense
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