Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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