Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
