hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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