omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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