New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
