and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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