I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
